


Memories Reniassance

by ErenLeger270



Category: Code Geass, Elfen Lied, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blood Kink, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Bloodlust, Borderline Personality Disorder, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Crossover, Dark Character, Depression, Drama, Dreams and Nightmares, Dry Humping, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Roller Coaster, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fear Play, Friends to Lovers, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I don't think I got everything so like bewareee, Japan has been taken over by Britannia, Light Masochism, Loss of Control, Love Confessions, Love/Hate, M/M, Masturbation, Mild Gore, Mood Swings, Murder, Oblivious Eren Yeager, Panic Attacks, Paranoia, Psychic Abilities, Psychic Violence, Resistance, Revenge, Self-Acceptance, Self-Denial, Self-Hatred, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Shameless Smut, Slice of Life, Someone is going to die and you might hate me??, Strangulation, Suzaku has inner demons, Suzaku is a diclonius, Suzaku's other half is a dirty fuck, consumed by hatred, crazy Suzaku, insane C.C., nudity because Lucy, so is eren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-04-04 05:10:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4126545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErenLeger270/pseuds/ErenLeger270
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“There is no calm Suzaku Kururugi. You’re not the diclonius who wants to be left alone, you’re not the diclonius who wants to avoid fighting with the humans. You want them all dead.”</p><p>The Diclonius is a newly evolved creature with psycho-kinetic abilities and horns that protrude from their heads. The disease sparked in Japan almost eighteen years ago, finding pregnant women and infecting their babies. Into the future, Japan is crushed by the Britannian Empire and taken over. With dreams of becoming the superpower country of the world, Britannia has passed a law forcing all diclonii into the army. </p><p>"Suzaku Kururugi is one of those diclonii. But he's got a nasty--"</p><p>All around them, the camp was now completely devastated and trashed. The swings had been torn down, the playground disassembled and its parts scattered, the sandbox thrown upside down, the buses on the roads laying on their sides; everything was destroyed. </p><p>"He's got a nasty--"</p><p>Some parts of the grass, stained red and tainted by the remains of the children who once played there.  A lot of them were just arms, legs...heads with their eyes wide and their mouth agape as if caught by death mid scream.  </p><p>“And...what about Eren…?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memories Reniassance

Suzaku remembered being intensely focused on making an origami swan when he was ten. He actually had the most trouble trying to make one despite being Japanese and his foster-mother had jokingly teased him for it every so often. So while he was stuck at this dumb summer camp where he was avoided by the other kids for being a diclonius, he decided to focus on his origami skills.

He did it almost all the time, even whenever they had free reign outside time. There were so many activities to do; horseback riding, canoeing, games of tag, swinging. There was a playground and a sandbox. 

It actually looked like fun, but Suzaku knew he didn’t belong there.

In the entire camp, there was no other kid like him, no other diclonius. He was the only child who had horns poking out of his cranium, just barely large enough to be seen in his mass of curly chocolate locks.

And if that didn’t make him scary enough; all that light in his emerald eyes had died long ago, almost as if along with his mother. They were dull, practically lifeless and like his tight frown, only served to make him look angry. Not that it was a problem, he knew this camp would be just like school. 

Nobody would want to be around Suzaku. It was unfortunate that he was such a young diclonius in the earlier stages of the disease’s surfacing. He had to deal with the fact that almost everyone was too scared to be near him because they knew nothing about him. Despite being told to smile so people wouldn’t be scared, he didn’t. He had given up on making friends.  

He couldn’t smile even if he wanted to anyway. He had no reason to. 

Honestly, the first thing Suzaku wanted to say to the amethyst eyed boy named Lelouch who went over the lonely kid with horns sticking out of his head was ‘what made you think it was okay to come near me when I’m so scary looking? Are you mentally challenged or just weird?’

Instead he was a little nicer about it, watching with wide eyes as Lelouch sat down in the grass next to him, took the paper from his hands and started folding it. After a few seconds, Suzaku felt his eyebrows start to furrow together in annoyance and he was about ready to yank back the paper, and tell the kid to get lost but then-

“That’s not how you make an origami swan, Suzaku...” 

The Japanese boy’s eyes fluttered in astonishment and his lips tightened at the sound of his name. Everyone had to do an introduction at the beginning of camp so it was no surprise that he knew his name. What had taken him by surprise was the way it had been said.

So softly…

It had been quite awhile since someone had said his name like that. He was used to adults saying his name with slight disgust, trying to hide it with fake sincerity. And he was used to other kids saying his name teasingly, only talking to him whenever it was to question why he had such freaky horns growing out of his freaky head or why he never smiled and acted so creepy.

He was so used to not hearing his mother’s gentle, loving voice because she had been gone for so long. And while his foster-mother was sweet, he couldn’t deny the fact that she also feared him. Feared him so much that she couldn’t fake that soft tone when she said his name.

But Lelouch’s voice held no fear. Just a bunch of friendliness.

“Why are you helping me? Can’t you see the horns on my head?” Suzaku asked, successfully catching himself from sounding so snappishly like he always did when kids teased him, yet cocking an irritated eyebrow at the raven-haired kid.

Lelouch stopped folding and slowly turned to look at Suzaku before his gaze flickered up to the small white horns. He then shrugged, his attention going back to the origami as if it were much more entertaining than staring at his horns. “I suppose so. I mean--honestly, they’re kind of hard to see with your messy curly hair being everywhere. Do you even know what a comb is?”

“Only on certain days,” Suzaku mumbled sheepishly.

There was a short pause before Lelouch peered at the diclonius, a small grin playing on his lips only to become the opening of a fit of laughter. A fit of cute laughter that was contagious enough to make even a monster like him smile…

But somehow the scenery changed. What was a sweet memory that marked a special moment in his childhood turned into something much more darker. The perfect clone of Lelouch Lamperouge, the first kid to ever befriend him, suddenly dropped the unfinished paper swan. His large eyes went wide and he simply stared ahead in horror.

Suzaku followed his gaze slowly and his face was soon contorted into it’s own horrified expression. However, his reason might have been different from Lelouch’s.

All around them, the camp was now completely devastated and trashed. The swings had been torn down, the playground disassembled and its parts scattered, the sandbox thrown upside down, the buses on the roads laying on their sides; everything was destroyed. It was as if a tornado had came by.

That wasn’t it though.

Some parts of the grass, stained red and tainted by the remains of the children who once played there. Remains was a more suitable word to use only because a lot of them would no longer be categorized as a body anymore. A lot of them were just arms, legs...heads with their eyes wide and their mouth agape as if caught by death mid scream.  

Suddenly Lelouch was breathing hard and fast, his struggle for air turning into something of a terrified sob coming from the back of his throat. 

Suzaku knew what he was thinking. What he was assuming and what sort of puzzle he was putting together but before he could counter anything, Lelouch had scrambled to his feet, desperately clawing at the grass as he pushed himself up and away from the Japanese boy.

He turned his back away from Suzaku, confronting him with an amethyst-eyed glare, like he was a wild animal that would attack him from behind if he tried to run. He started stepping backwards, watery tears forming in the corners of his narrowed eyes.

“I could seriously injure you if you try anything….I take lessons, and I know both defensive and offensive moves.” It was obvious how tough Lelouch was trying to sound, but he was managing it. While his threat didn’t break, it trembled. 

He was scared.

Suzaku had stood up now and tried to soften his gaze as much as possible, to show Lelouch that he meant no harm, that he hadn't created the corpse party around them. He raised his hands slowly and lowered his voice to something as soothing as his mother’s had been before she was taken. “Lelouch….I didn’t-”

“But you’re a diclonius!” the raven angrily spat, slicing clean through his gentle plea. “There’s nobody else here who could have done such a nasty thing! If you’ve got weird freaky horns, who knows what other weird things you have! You-” He stopped mid-sentence and froze.

The brown-haired diclonius looked down. He had taken another step forward and he had accidentally stepped on the unfinished origami that Lelouch had been working on. For some reason, Suzaku was horrified to have crushed the little swan under his foot and when his gaze rose again, he was even more horrified. So much that his breath caught and his heart felt like it stopped, like it had skipped two or three beats.

Lelouch coughed, and blood coated his bottom lip and its corner. His jaw had dropped, leaving his mouth wide open and though his eyes screamed pain, his throat wouldn’t make a sound. The front of his shirt had a large bloody stain that seemed to only grow bigger by the second, revealing the gaping wound that had now found Lelouch’s stomach.

Suzaku stood there, frozen in his own fear. He wanted to move, he wanted his feet to take him forward so that he could get to Lelouch, get him some sort of help. But his body didn’t want to. It was too business shaking and trembling, and his teeth were chattering, and he didn’t know why.

Or then again, maybe he did.

There was some sort of presence in the area, one that he hadn’t felt until he stepped on Lelouch’s swan. Whoever it was, or whatever it was; Suzaku was getting a bad vibe from it. A vibe of pure fear and hatred, and he got the feeling that it’s owner was the one who did all of this.

Lelouch suddenly pitched forward with an agonized groan, falling to the ground on his knees and revealing the person standing behind him.

It took everything in Suzaku’s power not to turn away like he had done so many times before. He had to look at him. He had to face himself.

The person who had been standing behind Lelouch was indeed himself, but a much darker version of himself. He looked exactly like Suzaku in each and every way, except for his eyes which were only black and nothing else, and his horns that were much larger and noticeable. And his personality, it was different too, darker. 

One of his vectors were out; and it was obvious that he had thrusted it through Lelouch and given him the wound on his stomach.

“You did it again, Suzaku Kururugi…” The diclonius murmured, clicking his tongue with a small grin as he rolled his shoulders. “You just keep stepping on that swan like it means nothing! Though….I know it doesn’t. I would know since I’m you, after all….”

Suzaku gritted his teeth. “You’re not me,” he seethed bitterly. “I’m not like you and I would never do something….like this!” He gestured to the death and decay around them, to the body parts of once happy children, to the remains of a once happy place. “What kind of excuse could you possibly have to give you the right?” 

There had to be none. There couldn’t possibly be one that was good enough. 

He took so much happiness away and for what? He destroyed such a beautiful camp, stained the green grasses red with the blood of innocent children, slaughtered the horses on the ranch, and for what? 

“I am you and because we are one….we did this. You did this,” the darker Suzaku growled, his other five vectors coming out to play. They revealed themselves and joined the other, four on each side of him to make up the eight Suzaku had. “Are we not justified? Do we not have a good reason to wreak so much havoc on these insignificant creatures when they’ve caused us so much pain? So much loneliness? Made us feel like outcasts?”

Suzaku shook his head. “That doesn’t justify anything….They were scared..!” His voice might have broke then. He could feel tears starting to threatened his eyes, but he didn’t want them to come out. He couldn’t let them. “You’ve murdered innocent people. We’ll be outcasts even more…”

“Nothing would have changed anyway. Loneliness would have ensued.”

It wouldn’t have. 

Suzaku glanced at Lelouch; the boy had made peace with the ground, curled up in the grass, holding his wound with gritted teeth.

He would have had Lelouch.

Suzaku pulled out his own vectors, all eight of them revealed themselves. There was no way he would get his other self to understand, so he would just crush him.

The black-eyed Suzaku’s lips became tight and all emotion left his face; making him look completely void of any feelings and most likely the perfect killing machine. Suzaku had seen this face many times and it was the face of someone who was not going to listen to him any longer. 

It was the face of someone who wanted to kill him.

They both set their vectors on each other; eight arms coming straight for one another. Suzaku went defensive and each of his vectors grabbed hold of one to stop any of them for reaching him. Feeling the other’s vectors struggle for freedom, Suzaku braced himself and tightened the grip.

“We don’t have to do this,” Suzaku pleaded. “There’s no need for us to sink so low…”

“But we do….” The darker diclonius murmured, tilting his head. “We do because I’m tired of being ruled by a fake.” The last word hit home for the brunette and the iron grip of his vectors almost faltered. “I’m the true you and we both know it. Deep down, you want to kill everybody. You want to kill them for treating you like they did, for taking away your childhood, taking away your mother.”

Huh…?

“There is no calm Suzaku Kururugi. You’re not the diclonius who wants to be left alone, you’re not the diclonius who wants to avoid fighting with the humans. You want them all dead.”

The black-eyed Suzaku suddenly had nine, ten, eleven, twelve-- four more vectors had appeared. But there was no way. That had to have been impossible. They were the same person; they were both Suzaku Kururugi and Suzaku Kururugi only had eight vectors.

Suzaku’s legs started to tremble and his knees buckled underneath him. He almost wanted to puke, but he didn’t want his vectors to falter. “How do you….that’s….you can’t have twelve..”

“I can here,” The dark Suzaku mused, a light half-hearted laugh coming from him. “This is inside of your head, but because I’m real….because I’m the true you, I’m much stronger and can always overpower you.” He started inching closer, pushing against the grasps of Suzaku’s vectors. “And one day….I swear to you, this….”

“I’ll win outside of your head and I will lead our vessel once again. And when I do….I’ll kill everybody and everything including…” 

Lelouch Lamperouge.

The name echoed inside of Suzaku’s head, over and over again. All the faces of the children who avoided him because he was scary or the looks of the teachers who noticed his horns. The loneliness he felt when nobody talked to him, the anger, the hatred; it was all coming back as one. Everything was starting to blur and his breathing was beginning to become frantic. 

He looked to Lelouch.

The boy was no longer holding his side like he had been earlier. Curled up on the ground, he lay there in the green grass. Lifeless. Nothing more than a corpse that used to house a soul, one out of the many on these camp grounds.

When Suzaku looked back, his darker self only shot him a wicked grin before his four extra vectors shot forward and impaled Suzaku.

All at once and straight through him.

 

Suzaku’s emerald eyes snapped open, except they only opened up to more darkness due to the tight blindfold that wound around his head. The restraints kept him from moving his arms, from checking his body for the wounds like he wanted to. 

Yet another memory of the past dreamt that turned into a sickening nightmare within seconds. It seemed he was getting good at this activity. It was starting to happen more and more often. 

Still he shook it off as best he could and tried to recollect himself with calming breaths of air through his nose. He could feel the sweat on his forehead, his bangs damp and pressed to his skin. It was nasty feeling and he wished he could have wiped them away.

He let out a breathy, heavy sigh that had his rising chest fighting against the bands around his body and the straitjacket that cladded him. Set to bind him, it left his arms crossing over one another, pressed tight against his chest like the tomb of an Egyptian pharaoh. Every exhale and every sigh had his warm breath embracing his lips, having been bounced back by the cloth clinging to his mouth.

There was nothing worse to him than when he tried his best to go to sleep while being wide awake. It was something that happened way too much-- though there was nothing else better to do than to dream in this place. He had no idea how long he had been here, but all he knew was that it definitely felt like days, maybe even weeks and the only thing keeping him sane was dreaming. It was like his escape from reality, even better if he dreamt of Lelouch.

While Suzaku was strapped down, tied and gagged, and even put inside a large confined room which held his powers at bay, there was much more going on outside of it. The Holy Britannian Empire had long crushed Japan after an unusual tourist boom of its people had lowered the guard of the Japanese and opened a door to an ambushed war. 

Whether the country was even called Japan anymore, Suzaku didn’t know. But after his capture, he could remember things here and there being said when being pushed from room to room. And the most repeated thing was Japan being referred to as ‘the house of the diclonius mutation’.

Suzaku had no idea where they got the name  diclonius  from, but that was the new defining term for his kind according to the Britannian man and he was to respond to it.

That was almost two years ago. Two years ago when Suzaku was only fifteen and the diclonius virus was barely dispersed into the population yet. Since the disease first attacked pregnant mothers, most of the diclonius present were young and most of them taken out if they didn’t surrender right away.

For two years, Suzaku was only running on a routine of long hours of sleep and darkness, brutal tests that were forced upon him, an exercise session, two meals a day--sometimes three, and a repeating attempt of asking for his cooperation. 

Like all the other diclonius, they wanted him to join the military.

The military that would be known as the Japanese-Brit Military Force. The military that would fight for the two countries that had merged into one. But there was no  two  countries, there had been no  merging . Britannia had simply crushed Japan under its foot and wiped the country from existence.

Suzaku could see right through them; they wanted to make  their  empire stronger,  their  military stronger so that in the future,  they  could crush other countries. With the diclonii on their side, there was no doubt they could achieve that dream.

And for that reason, Suzaku refused to join them. But every diclonius had the potential of being a one-man army and it was evident that Britannia was aware of this fact. Every diclonius was important and no matter what, it seemed as if the empire would resort to drastic measures for just one diclonius.

Having one seemed like a pure victory in itself, but they wanted many victories. So for the sake of Suzaku Kururugi, they held him for as long as it would take. For two years now.

Those two years of brutal tests gave him enough practice with the use of his psychokinetic hands. According to the diclonii facility, they were called vectors, similar to the hands of humans with the exception of some important differences. 

Vectors were like invisible arms, unseen by the naked human eye which made it almost impossible for them to dodge unless managed at the last second. However, the higher the vibration frequency, the more visible they became. Between each diclonii, the length and number varied. Suzaku only had eight vectors, but they stretched far enough to make up for the small number.

And he couldn’t deny his own strength, but it was a burden for him only because Britannia wasn’t going to leave him alone until they had it.

It was obvious how patient the Britannian government was being with him. Two years ago, they saw an opportunity for immense power the moment they discovered the diclonii and for two years, they’ve been seeking it. 

But for those two years, Suzaku refused them and yet they still kept trying when it would have been much less expensive to just kill him.

The sound of the intercom in his confined room startled Suzaku out of his train of thought and his vectors jerked out from him out of reflex.

“Oh, Suzaku Kururugi….!” An excited voice bellowed, the familiarity of it making the Japanese diclonius relax a little. No doubt it belonged to the obnoxious, silver-haired scientist Lloyd and boy, did he never fail to sound so buoyant when he spoke on the intercom. “I hope you’re hungry cause….!” He paused. “...um, because you’re going to eat even if you’re not!” He sang.

“I know our orders, but I honestly don’t think we should force food into him…” A little female uttered. Probably his assistant, Ms. Cecile, in the background.  

Followed by that was the bickering of muffled voices as if Lloyd had covered the mic with his hand which Suzaku wouldn’t be surprise since he saw the man do it before. 

The arguing only lasted a few seconds and then Lloyd was back on the microphone, hand pulled back to allow a clearer sound. “Can’t hear you, Cecile. I think I popped an eardrum or something.” By this time, his voice had dropped into a more serious tone. “Ahem, anywho Suzaku. You know the drill, I’m opening your vault and sending in someone to get your-”

An eccentric female shriek cut the man off. “ME! ME! LLOYD! ME! I’LL GET HIM!”

“To get your-” Lloyd tried.

“LLOYD, I’LL BE YOUR BEST FRIEND!”

“OKAY!” The silver-haired man cried, sounding the most annoyed Suzaku has ever heard him. He even sighed loudly when a happy “WOO!” thundered in the background, and waited until the sound of quick footsteps faded before continuing. “I’m sending in Ms. Zoe to get your restraints off and walk you out. Do anything off regulation and blah, blah, blah...I’ve said this way too much, I’m sure you know every word I’m going to say so just don’t piss on our faith, alright?”

For safety precautions, he would keep the mic on the entire tread Hanji made from Suzaku’s vault and back. So….

“Lloyd, are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay. Hanji sucks so much of the life out of me.”

Nobody knows how badly Suzaku wanted to second that notion. The woman was like a ticking time bomb that’s set on ten seconds until reaching the ultimate level of spazztic self-destruction. Except after she explodes she turns into fireworks that make more fireworks that make even more fireworks.

It was unfortunate for Lloyd to have such an subordinate.

But it was even more unfortunate for Suzaku to be a diclonius. If there was anything that said eccentric woman loved more than science, it was diclonii.

Sometimes during their breaks, Cecile and Lloyd stuck around and had lunch in Suzaku’s vault watch office which was the room that overlooked his confinement. If he was awake, they told him funny stories, both from outside and inside the science facility. Most of them were about Hanji though and all her explosions after getting to view diclonii training and tests.

This would be the first time she’s actually went inside to go and retrieve Suzaku. It was a bit surprising and slightly uplifting to know that she wasn’t afraid of being so close to a monster with eight extra hands that she not only would be unable to see, but could cut her up in seconds. 

Especially when Suzaku had not sworn any sort of commitment to Britannia which should have been a deal breaker at the start for any scientist who valued their life.

Of course, he wasn’t going to hurt Hanji Zoe. He actually liked the way she danced behind the safety of the glass window every time he deflected a bullet, stone, whatever they decided they wanted to throw at him during the tests.

“Opening the vault…” Lloyd called through the intercom.

Suzaku could hear the heavy metal doors sliding apart, scraping against the marble floor. Even with his straitjacket, he could feel the stinging cool air that replaced the warmth of his room. Followed by the quick, small-strided steps that could only belong to Hanji was the relief of the gag being thrown to the side and straps tying him down coming undone. She started on the ones that bound his arms to his chest and worked her way down from there.

“How’s that, kiddo?” Hanji asked, the delight in her voice subtle but present. Being called kiddo never ceased to surprise him; he always imagined that he was older than her. However, it was the exact opposite and he had to remind himself that she was simply eccentric. “Can you feel your legs? Anything broken? Maybe sprained? Or maybe some body parts severed off due to your vectors going wild?!”

“I’m fine…” Suzaku mumbled, breathing a sigh of relief as he felt the weight of the straps being lifted. Even after his response, Hanji was still bursting with questions, but he ignored it, more interested in giving his body a break from being tied down.

A sudden and loud cackle nearly startled him, and he felt Hanji lean over him. “I’m sorry, I almost forgot about that blindfold. What even is the point of blinding you? Mind lifting your head up?” She asked to which Suzaku obeyed without hesitation. Once it was untied, she pulled it from over his eyes and smiled down at him. “Hi there.”

He was greeted by a glasses-wearing brunette in a white lab coat with her hair tied back messily. She most definitely had the signature goofy grin and the crazy eyes Suzaku remembered Lloyd mentioning before.

“Sit tight. I’m almost done!”   

When most of the restraining equipment was removed, Hanji unzipped the zippers of the straitjacket and freed Suzaku’s arms and legs, allowing him to sit upright. He took the opportunity to stretch before he turned to slide off the bed and join the brunette who was now at the vault doorway with an excited look in her eyes.

“This way, Mr. Diclonius~” She sang, taking the lead and exiting the room. Suzaku towed after her robotically, not at all surprised when two uniformed men who had apparently been standing at the entrance joined their little stroll, armed with guns.

No matter how much they claimed to trust you; they would always have guns, wouldn’t they?

The long corridor lasted a good ten to twenty seconds before they emerged out of it, entering a large, high-ceiling room. They had officially exited Suzaku’s entire vault; made up of the white room in which he was held and a hallway that led to it.

The curly-haired male glanced up to a wide glass window that overlooked the room, or his vault’s watch office, expecting to Cecile and Lloyd to be standing there like they usually were. They weren’t; it seemed empty so they most likely had left.

He turned away from it and settled on watching Hanji, observing her happy jig-walk. The way she tried to dance and walk at the same time was a little painful to stare at for too long, and Suzaku ended up peering over his shoulder, avoiding the dirty scowls of the armed men behind him and eyeing his vault.  

His room and that hallway. 

He had seen both far too many times for his liking, in both good and bad blood. Sometimes he wanted to be in his room, to be tied up so that he could sleep and be as far away from the humans as possible. Other times he wanted to get out because the nightmares were too much and his muscles were starting to ache from the restraints.

Far too many times, he had questioned himself on this matter. Why was he allowing himself to be dragged back and forth, to stay here when he agreed that he wasn’t going to work with them? If he wanted to, he could escape but why didn’t he?

And far too many times, he had answered the questions himself. It was because he had his reasons for staying and he had weighed his options about two years ago.

Since Britannia had taken over Japan and discovered the diclonii; they had laid down a few extra rules upon the region. One of them was that all diclonii were to be turned in to the government for, what they claimed to be, safety reasons. None was allowed to freely roam the streets without authorization. Even if he managed to escape, making it out there would prove to be more than difficult.

Then there was the fact that he had people to stay for.  Friends to protect.

  
  


As soon as Suzaku had been left with Lloyd and Cecile, Hanji made an excuse that was believable enough for her seniors, but stupid enough to match her character before heading another way. 

She would have liked to spend time with Suzaku during his lunch time, maybe speak with him face-to-face, but she was in a rush to be somewhere else. 

Her short heels clicked against the white marble floor as she sped-walk down the never-ending corridors and after five minutes, stopped at the room she was looking for. No time was wasted, she grabbed the doorknob and barged in without knocking, meeting the familiar eyes of her comrades who looked up in unison.

The blonde with the neat hair and tactical blue eyes was Erwin Smith. He was sitting behind his desk, hunched forward with his head resting on his hands and his elbows on the table. His facial features were hard and upset, large eyebrows furrowed in frustration. 

The two sitting with him were Levi and Nanaba.

Levi was the short, raven-haired man with the grey-blue orbs of steel and the intimidating expression. He sat in his chair with his legs crossed, looking as pissed as ever; or more than he usually did. On the other hand, the short-haired, blonde next to him was Nanaba who sported a blank face and sank back in her chair.

From the look on everybody’s faces, nobody seemed happy. And though Hanji wasn’t particularly in a great mood herself, she had to admit how much of a downer it was to see her friends seeming so distressed. 

Most likely it meant there was bad news to be shared. 

Erwin took a deep breath and momentarily closed his eyes, allowing Hanji to close the door behind her before he spoke. “Hanji….do you have anything to report?”

The brunette turned, leaning to press her back against the door slowly as she considered her answer. “Not really…” She murmured quietly. “I came in late today and the only thing I’ve done that might be of importance is transporting Suzaku Kururugi from his vault.”

“He’s the one with the dead doll eyes?” Levi inquired.

Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes closed as if he had a headache. “Levi.”

The man crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair, seemingly unfazed by his superior’s warning. “What? I was just giving her an idea of who I’m referring to.” He then casually shrugged his shoulders. “Besides, I don’t blame him. If I were a diclonius stuck in this fucking shit hole torture chamber, I’d have dull, lifeless eyes too.”

Hanji frowned at the comment and her fists unknowingly balled up angrily. She felt a little bad for Suzaku. He didn’t seem like a bad guy and he had been stuck in such a place for a long time, for so long that all the light had left what would have been lively emerald jewels. 

She almost wished she could have seen them in their brightest state.

“If you mean the diclonius who’s refused to join the military for two years, then yes. That’s him,” Hanji responded. “Honestly, from what I hear from Cecile and Lloyd, he seems like a sweet diclonius.”

Nanaba finally chimed in, “I’ve seen one of his tests before. Having more than two vectors is already categorizes a diclonius as ‘strong’ in the eyes of Britannia, so having eight already gives him the upper hand, but he definitely knows how to fight with them too. That’s why they’re so set on getting him on their side but…” She faded off, pausing momentarily. “I don’t understand him.”

From behind his desk, Erwin turned to her and raised an eyebrow questioningly, interested in Nanaba’s response. “What are you getting at…?”

The blonde shook her head slowly as if trying to figure that out herself. “.....I guess it’s just the fact that Suzaku isn’t taking advantage of such an opportunity… Think about it. Most of the diclonius captured who are willing to join the military have been listed under two or four vectors. Suzaku has eight. It’s more power... he should be aware of that as much as Britannia is. He could use it, make them bend to his will. Or escape, if he wanted to. Why rot away for two years instead…? I just wonder what’s going through that kid’s head…”

Hanji could understand Nanaba on that level and she also wished to know what was going on in Suzaku’s head. If he wasn’t going to take advantage of the power bestowed upon him, then was there something else he planned to do? Had he simply given up and was just going to rot in his vault for the rest of his days? Or maybe he had some sort of secret plan for a great escape?

There was no way he would stay. 

Hell, she couldn’t even wrap her head around him being so calm whenever he was untied from his restraints. If she were him, she’d be jumping around. Maybe she would take it as an opportunity to escape and would kill anyone who stood in her way.

So why didn’t he?

“I wonder what’s going on in his head too, but he’s very hard to talk to,” Hanji admitted, pushing up her glasses with a frown. “I used to always try starting up a conversation with him, but lately I’ve given up on that idea…. He hardly speaks a word to me and instead only talks to my seniors whenever I’m not around.”

Nanaba offered the brunette a small smile. “I wouldn’t take that to heart. Most likely, he’s broken and has only found trust in Lloyd and Cecile. It sounds like he doesn’t trust this project and knows that they’re trying to manipulate him. So it’s understandable.”

It was and Hanji was gratefully to Nanaba for making her realize that. For awhile, she thought that maybe Suzaku didn’t like her. Sure, she sometimes came on too strong, but she couldn’t help it. 

The diclonii truly intrigued her and she did want to study them, but not like this. Not by torturing them and forcing them into things they didn’t want to do. It was wrong and she knew that her friends felt the exact same way as her. That’s why they were here.

She gazed at everyone. They all seemed…. tired .

Erwin looked a little pale, almost sickly in appearance as if he wanted nothing more than to pitch forward and puke. When it came to positions, Erwin was in the highest out of everyone here. He saw much more than Hanji, Levi, and Nanaba combined. And he always had to endure it with a stone-cold expression like none of it bothered him.

Behind Nanaba’s emotionless mask, Hanji could see the anger and the disgust she had hidden in her features. It was obvious how much this place repulsed her, but she knew that she was everyone’s rock and therefore tried to remain strong for that reason alone. But even Hanji could sense the faltering.

Levi always looked tired, and sometimes he even had bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. But recently, they’ve been getting worse and much more noticeable than normal which she assumed was due to not only the stress of this mission, but the sacrifice of Eren.

Eren was probably more important to Levi than he would ever admit out loud, but Hanji didn’t need to hear it from him. She had known the man long enough to figure it out on her own. It was sweet, but the cost was hitting him hard, probably harder than anybody else and it wasn’t helping that he was seeing what was being done to the diclonii here.

Months before Britannia came in and crushed Japan, Levi had taken a little lonely diclonius by the name of Eren under his wing. At first, he claimed it was temporary, but that changed the closer he became with the kid.

It was truly a miracle, to see Levi smile as often as he did whenever Eren was around. It made everyone happy, especially Hanji.

But then Japan was no longer Japan, and Britannia ordered all diclonii to either turn themselves or be apprehended by force. Houses were searched, anyone who dared to hide a diclonius were beaten by the soldiers, maybe even killed.

And despite how against it everybody was, Eren turned himself in.

“Hanji-- are you listening?”

Nanaba’s firm voice snapped Hanji from her train of thought and her dark eyes fluttered rapidly behind the lens of her glasses. “Huh? I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

“Rico, Petra, and Mike?” She queried. “Have you heard from any of them?”

The brunette tried to think back on her short work day. She didn’t normally work around any of them during her routine shifts and she didn’t recall passing by them in the hallways either. She shook her head. “I haven’t even seen them actually. None of you have?”

“Nope,” Nanaba answered.

Hanji nodded her head silently, biting her lip in attempt to keep back the question she wanted to ask. It might not have been a good time to mention it, but she couldn’t imagine leaving without knowing the answer. She just hoped it wouldn’t be anything bad. “And...what about Eren…?”

“I visited him earlier,” Levi said, almost exactly after the name rolled off her tongue. He turned his head and met her gaze, his eyes intense and sharp. “It was unauthorized. I could have got my ass in trouble and I know that, but I figured that he needed it. They’re not treating him too well. Not that they ever do in the first place.”

“So they’re testing on him?!” Hanji inquired with a raised voice, snapping forward with narrowed eyes. “Why? What could they possibly be doing to that sweet kid?!”

Erwin sighed heavily, blue orbs flickering to the brunette as if warning her to keep her cool. 

Too late, Hanji had realized that she had yelled and it was always in their best interest to avoid drawing attention to themselves during these meetings. After trying to relax herself, she leaned back against the door and breathed quietly, waiting.

A few seconds of silence passed before Erwin opened his mouth. “Eren has got some sort of vector abnormality. They just learned about it earlier today. The number of his vectors changed from two to four, and they have been working to see if they can make him grow more.”

Hanji’s jaw almost dropped. A vector abnormality that allowed a diclonius to grow more vectors than they were originally born with? Vectors did not grow with a diclonius; the number usually never changed, but somehow it did for Eren. It was hard to imagine how that was even possible. But it was even harder to imagine how they expected to make him grow more.

“How…? How did they even approach something like that?” She asked.

“The first plan was to scare them out of him by stimulating the ‘fight or flight’ mode within to get his adrenaline pumping,” Erwin replied. “The hypothesis was that Eren would be so frightened and because his life would feel threatened, it might activate something inside and bring out more vectors….” As he trailed off, his jaw tightened and his fists balled up at the memory he was recalling. “So they threw him into a room with another diclonius, one much stronger than him, that was ordered to make him believe he would die.”

Hanji’s breath caught her throat. “You mean this diclonius fought Eren…?!”

The blonde nodded.

“And of course, Eren was beaten to a pulp….” Levi finished in a low growl. “He got thrown around for nothing because the experiment was unsuccessful. No more vectors had sprouted.”

It was in vain, but Hanji tried her best to hide her seething anger. She couldn’t possibly imagine them throwing a kid into a room with a diclonius to simply see if scaring him half to death would make a vector pop out. Did these people have no shame?

While she was pissed off, she was also upset. Upset that Eren was being put through so much pain for being different, for being anything but human. And if she was upset, she couldn’t imagine Levi’s feelings. Or Erwin’s, the one who had to stand by and witness it all, the one who had to watch Eren fight for his life in silence.

Looking at everyone’s faces, to Hanji, it seemed that everyone was having the same internal conflict. Everyone was fighting the same fight and Nanaba was the one who brought it to light.

“Petra was speaking to me earlier,” the blonde woman started. “She believes we should get Eren out of here and continue without intel from him...and while the information is a little helpful, I think she has a point. He’s just a kid and it’s obvious that his sacrifice is getting to us. Besides….if there’s some things we don’t hear, I bet Erwin will. He’s so close to the top, after all.”

Levi looked to Erwin. “Well…?”

The blue-eyed man shrugged. “I suppose Petra has a good point….”

With just that phrase alone, the raven-haired male was up almost instantly and Hanji found herself scrambling away from the door so that he could have a clear path out. “Then I’ll go.”

“Levi.”

He turned snappishly, dark eyes full of impatience. “What?” 

“Let him make his own choice,” Erwin warned, shooting him a cold glare. “I know that he likes being helpful so if he wants to stay, do not sway his position in any way.”

“O-fucking-kay!” Levi retorted, hastily making his way for the door.

But then the entire room suddenly went red, blinking on and off as an alarmed sounded, beeping in harmony with the red that colored the office. It was a such a shrill, piercing noise that had Hanji covering her ears and squeezing her eyes shut.

Levi cursed under his breath. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me…!”

“ALL NON-MILITARY STAFF, PLEASE EVACUATE TO THE NEAREST SAFE HOUSE OR LEAVE THE PREMISES! NUMBER 33 HAS ESCAPED FROM THEIR VAULT. I REPEAT-”

Hanji’s head snapped up, eyes wide. If her memory served her right, Number 33 was….

“This isn’t good…” Erwin shouted over the sound of the emergency repeat. “Levi, if you’re willing to... this is our chance to fake an accident….with Eren.”

It seemed that Levi needed no further explanation because he nodded and bolted for the door, running into the halls that were now filled with frantic evacuating staff members. Hanji didn’t understand what the plan was, but Erwin was definitely no fool. She had no doubt that he knew what he was doing.

So she would trust in him.

She just hoped that Levi would be okay. Number 33 was no diclonius to mess with.

“Nanaba, go with him. Hanji, let’s go.”

  
  


 

  
  
  



End file.
